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Can you hear me now?

Category: Life

Published on Thursday, 19 August 2010 05:00

Written by Paul Roy

My last post I wrote about some things you don’t see anymore, most of these because of the advent of technology. You know, all that stuff that is supposed to make out lives easier, like cell phones, computers, ATM’s, that stuff. But I am not sure if it really has or if it has just made life more stressful.

Here is an example. I was having trouble with my house phone. Not quite sure what was up, I had been having a lot of static, and then it finally just died. So, I get on my cell phone and I called the phone company. I get a computer.

“If you are calling to report a problem press 1”
Beep 1 — yes.

“Are you calling from the phone which is having the problem?”
Beep 2 — no.
“Enter the number you are having trouble with.”
beep beep beep (bunch of numbers)
“Press the number for what is wrong with your phone from the following list.”
Do you suppose there is a choice for no dial tone? Of course not.
“Please select from the following list”
I speak into the phone, like the computer can hear me. “It’s not one of the choices”
“Select from the list now:”
Did she raise her voice just then?
When all else fails I hit zero.
“This si not a selection on the list, try again”

So this went on for another five or so minutes. I finally hung up and called again, thinking I would make another choice somewhere along the line. The computer answered the phone and I hit zero right away.
“This is not an option, try again.” I was stuck in a loop I couldn’t get out of.

Finally after hitting the pound key and the zero key and every other key, I heard aa human voice. Now I was getting somewhere.
“I am having a problem with my phone.”
“Seems to be working okay to me” was the answer.
“NO, not this phone, my home phone.”
“What number is that please.” I gave her the number.
“What is the problem?”
“I have no dial tone.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I can’t hear it.”
“Are you on that phone now?”

You know, I have often been asked why I drink. This is why.

I finally got through to her that I couldn’t call from that phone it was down and I needed service. She said, “Okay, we will schedule you for service and call you when we are done.. Thank you for calling (insert phone company here) and hung up. There was one problem, she never asked for my number, how were they going to call me. I called back. I went through the same thing, again finally reaching another live person. And you guessed it, the same thing.

The third time was the charm, I got yet a third person, and they got my cell number, called me the next day to tell me they had gone to service the phone and the lady at the house said the phone was working fine. One problem, at that time there was no lady at my house, when I arrived home, the phone wasn’t working. I bet you can guess the rest.

I tried to call, went through the same thing, finally reached someone who told me they had been to the house and someone there said there was no problem. I asked the address, it wasn’t mine, I found out it was my ex-wife’s, she never had that number. I told them the correct address, The next day same thing. So I decided two things. I was getting rid of the phone and second, I called them back at 2 in the morning and said it was an emergency, they had to get to the house right away, my wife was really sick and I needed my phone in case I had to call 911. They didn’t even question why I couldn’t use the cell phone I was on, they just said we will be right there.

I went to sleep, hearing the sound of the old doorbell ringing and the guy who took my place swearing like a trooper.