Your New Friend in Penn

By Randy Garbin

Sadly, those few years have not been kind to the Keystone State. Much of Lancaster County is pock-marked by thousands of drably colored and poorly constructed McMansions built for a market that embodies the results of our neglect for arts education – clueless drones with far more money than taste, common sense, or regard for the planet.

Philadelphia, once the nation's most graceful city, now serves as the doormat under which the region sweeps its collective dregs. Regarded with passionate derision by the surrounding suburbs, it gets little respect for providing the actual culture that makes this region so livable.

If I have learned one thing from my travels, it's that many people would rather be somewhere else – no matter where they are. Live in Worcester, and you wish you lived in Boston. Live in Boston, and you'd rather be in San Francisco. If in a big city, you desire a small town. Live in New York City, and you pine for, well, another part of New York.

Well, I have gotten my wish. I'm now somewhere else, and this is what it's like:

First, taxes are ridiculously high here. Massachusetts had a terrible reputation for high taxes, but over the years, it seems to me, Beacon Hill had somehow found a proper balance of taxes collected and services provided. In Pennsylvania, not only do residents pay a higher bill, but, it appears, they generally get less for their levy. For instance, we pay high property taxes here, but if our sidewalk cracks, I have to fix it.

Don't even talk to me about the Pennsylvania liquor laws. Outside of Utah, William Penn's little plantation has the nuttiest alcohol distribution scheme I've ever seen. They just allowed for some Sunday sales of liquor here, and people are as jubilant as the East Germans after the Berlin Wall fell.

A near majority of Massachusetts' cities and towns now have anti-smoking ordinances governing public places. The issue hasn't even appeared on the radar here.

We have PennDOT, whose penchant for building roads would make the Romans blush. And PennDOT doesn't just build roads longer and wider, they build them deeper. The powerful trucking lobby dictates the need for roads to be able to withstand its punishment. Of course, Massachusetts does have the Big Dig, but I promise you that five years after its completion, no one will complain about the $15 billion price tag when they see the benefits of making an interstate highway disappear.

My adjustment continues. I always make sure I look both ways before crossing a street because people here haven't quite figured out what crosswalks mean. Outside of their cars, Penn-folk are among the friendliest in the Northeast – particularly in the blue-collar Philly neighborhoods. Despite its problems, Philadelphia still gives back so much, and the state's rich industrial heritage has left behind so many roadside attractions.

And, yes, my new neighborhood fits me quite nicely, thank you. An older suburb, Jenkintown features a functioning train station within a stone's throw of my house and easy access to Center City. A short walk up a hill brings me to the town center, where I can have lunch at the West Avenue Grill, a cheap Yuengling brewski at Archie's Tavern, or enjoy a movie at the Merlin single-screen theater. About all that's missing is the porch on our house.

That comes next.

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