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Raising "Counter-Culture" Kids

Category: Ramblings

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Written by Teri Dunn Chace

When I was a teenager, after a particularly vivid ecology class, I came home and shouted at my parents, “Thanks a lot for leaving the world a mess for my generation! Thanks a freaking lot!” then stomped out, slamming the door behind me. Now I’m the parent of teens, and I get to hear pretty much the same thing—sometimes my kids are mad, sometimes baffled, sometimes scared, sometimes daunted. I can’t argue, and it seems the world has indeed gotten worse since I was their age (global warming and general environmental degradation, dehumanizing sprawl, Darfur, grinding poverty, AIDS, etc. etc. etc.), and yet somehow the damaged, trashed world muddles onward.

If we adults are going to make the world a better place, even in the smallest ways, I think we need to walk our talk. The kids are watching, believe me. They keep me on my toes—and, hey, they should. They have to live in this world long after I am gone.

Here are some of the issues we discuss at my house:

Shopping: Why don’t we shop at Walmart? Eric’s mom says they have the best prices. (I am sure they do, honey, but in addition to that company’s well-publicized lousy labor practices, most of their products are from China. Made in Chinese factories. Factories that were here and moved over there, leaving lots of unemployed Americans in their wake. I believe Eric’s mom is ultimately shooting herself, and her neighbors, in the foot.)

Car: Does our car get good gas mileage, Mom? (Yes, and I keep it tuned up and the tires inflated to the correct pressure to get the best performance.) Why don’t you ride a bike for errands? (Because I buy six bags of groceries at a whack, guys, and I can’t carry them on a bike.) (I also point out that I “batch” my errands, get a lot done on each outing while avoiding backtracking, that is, I am trying to conserve fossil fuel as well as time and effort.)

Eating out: We never eat at fast-food restaurants, and the boys gave up completely on McDonalds (accompanied by other people, never me!) after watching the lurid film “Supersize Me.” I have brought my kids up to eat at locally owned restaurants, in financial and moral support of our town, our community, our neighbors. The food tends to be fresher and better, anyway. When we travel, we always seek out diners or local cafes. (Of course, now I must admit that I am fossil-fuel hypocrite, because I drove past the fast food at the rest stop, got off at an exit and drove an extra 10 miles to reach the diner. But my kids got a far better sense of that town and its residents than they would have otherwise.)

Eating in: Thanks perhaps in particular to Michael Pollan’s popular book The Omnivore’s Dilemma and to the piquant essays of editor Ruth Reichl in Gourmet Magazine (RIP, Gourmet!), many people are now thinking more about eating locally and eating seasonally. Meanwhile, our grocery stores are still stocking grapes and citrus in winter, and they will, as long as there is demand. The arguments are compelling, but it is hard to be a purist. My solution is to try to eat locally and seasonally wherever possible, either from our own garden or from the Farmer’s Market, to talk with my kids about the choices we make, and heck, to even learn, or relearn, what IS local and seasonal!

Treating other people decently: When you do business with local restaurants and shops, whether it’s a diner or a hardware store, you experience your community’s uniqueness. It’s the people. Teach your children to notice and to honor where they live and whom they interact with.

Kids grow up watching and mimicking their parents’ behaviors and beliefs. This is how bigotry gets started, and also thoughtless shopping and eating habits get established. Listen to your kids—they are your conscience, and they are right, they are going to inherit this world. Show them, to the best of your ability, how to be good stewards and citizens.

Will they defy you and do the opposite when they grow up? If you teach and discuss as you go, I doubt it. In the end, as they get older, they will learn by doing.

One of my sons works in a small, independent pet store on our local Main Street. In a recent conversation we were having about whether his shop can compete against the mega pet store PetCo, he declared, all on his own, “Mom, the difference is service. People come into Animal Krackers because we take time to wait on them, we listen, we help them make good choices for their pets. It’s a good shopping experience.”

And recently, when his brother needed new shoes, we chose to go to our local store, even though we knew we’d pay more than down at the mall, and not find as broad a selection. A half-hour later, he walked out glowing, because a competent, “super nice” sales lady knew her products well and helped him find exactly the right shoe and size. Sure, we paid a little bit more...but we didn’t expend extra gas driving 30 miles roundtrip to the mall, now, did we? It was a good shopping experience.

The world needs to be saved on all counts. The fabric of our lives, of a better world, is woven not just from commerce and regional or local products and pride, but from human decency and showing respect. It’s ALL currency.